Dems A Little Too Into Punishment, Tops Monday Briefing

By: - September 16, 2019

The faint crackle of autumn in the air means football and politics, both as bloodsport, are upon us. We wouldn’t have it any other way at Monday Briefing:

  • If you had a chance to look at the sex dungeons (you know they just gotta have them) of major Dem players and presidential candidates you’re not gonna find normal kink. Oh nooooo. No fur handcuffs or slutty librarian costumes for them. What you’d discover is the absolute most hardcore S&M stuff imaginable. Kind of like the basement scene in “Pulp Fiction” but waaay worse. That private weirdness is the only possible explanation for their very public decision to reopen the Kavanaugh question. Yup, these pervs just love to be abused. From the gitgo of this latest move they gratefully felt the sting of the whip. Even witless agitprop leader The New York Times is already walking back part of their weekend bilge, which itself is just vaguely reworded past story lines and quotes from a new Bolshie book on the matter. So, are we being begged to take out the clips and car battery again for Dem dark amusements? Apparently so. Though this time there will be no melodramatic Senate hearing. Just various screaming meemies left with yet another failed stratagem on their hands, now at the start of a presidential season. On this gift that keeps on giving, Trump wins again.
  • The Iranians attacked Saudi oil fields and put some hurt on oil production. That could make prices go up at the pumps here, not to mention help to stall our economy and those of our allies. We like the president’s shrewd use of force in the global arena. But now? For this? Time to cry havoc, etc. If only for a bit. If only without boots on the ground.
  • You know you’re a dyed-in-the-wool socialist loon when Pete Buttigieg is slamming you (perhaps I ought to rephrase that) from the right. Such is the case for our wee pal Beto and his recent enthusiastic debate call for gun confiscation. Pete accurately pointed out that Beto’s left-wing Tourette’s on the subject will be of ample use to the good guys at the NRA for years. Rage on Beto.
  • Ric Ocasek and Eddie Money died. They were far too young to have kicked the bucket and were the producs of a more talented and less vulgar pop culture environment. RIP and two tickets to you lads.
  • And finally, like swallows to Capistrano we return to the Joe gaffe beat. This installment may be the oddest of them all so far, as it deals with Eisenhower epoch Biden family homoeroticism abnormally coupled with a 1940s swimming movie star. Though, in the former veep’s mind, no doubt they naturally go together. To make a truly freakish story short enough not to qualify as a tome, Biden claims his dad, a normal 1950s-era Roman Catholic dad, saw two guys making out and told young Biden, “Joey, they love each other, it’s that simple.” That is akin to Fonzie asking Potsie out to a Fire Island Deb Dance in 1958. He (Joey, not Fonzie) then went on to claim, after no doubt watching the Michael Jackson “Beat It” video one time too many, that when he was a teenage pool lifeguard he successfully stared down a “bad dude”/gang leader named “Corn Pop” by aggressively referencing aquatic film actress Esther Williams. I am not making that up. Yepper, all “bad dudes” shrink to oblivion at the mere mention of an MGM water-propelled ingénue. Just as really badass urban ruffians always take the names of breakfast cereals. Have a good week.