For the left, no matter how shiny the clown shoes are or how honkey the horns on their trikes may be – these jokers are no match for Keith Olbermann – the true voice of today’s regressive left.
It’s been quite the busy news week, hasn’t it? First, we witnessed a panic-stricken Keith Olbermann commit open sedition against the President – and our nation – with his pleas for the intelligence agencies of foreign governments to perform a coup.
Then there was CNN’s amazing airhead – Dana Bash – who obliviously confirmed the existence of an omnipotent shadow government that so-called conspiracy theorists have been catching flack for acknowledging since forever. Of course, she did this by describing how the Deep State will get back at you when you cross them, “even if you’re the president,” with the casualness of a woman reading bingo numbers. Go ahead, Mark Zuckerberg. You can apologize to Michael Savage now.
Once again, we got to see Maxine Waters go full partisan shill and prove she is incapable of representing even herself. That’s right, James Brown’s twin found herself stating that she’d support the Comey firing if Hillary Clinton had done it before immediately returning to screeching out something about impeachment because that guy on the other team did it.
John McCain stepped on everyone’s head around him while running at full speed to be the first Republican to compare Trump’s current dilemmas of ComeyGate and RussiaGate to Watergate. Though legal scholars are saying there is virtually no way Trump’s talks with Comey constitute “obstruction of justice”, at least McCain can notch a checkmark on his record for showing bi-partisan support for something.
We even got to see CNN’s hard-hitting journalism on the President’s preference for two scoops of vanilla instead of just one this week. Hats off to you, CNN! ScoopGate made the people over at The Onion feel like real news. While we’re on the topic of groundbreaking journalism, I created my first meme when I learned that Democrat Rep. Elijah Cummings doesn’t know how to tie his shoes. To the citizens of Baltimore: Please stop blaming the police for your deplorable standard of living. Try electing someone who can tie bunny ears and see if that helps.
As you can see, there is some staunch competition for who gets crowned the ringmaster of this liberal mainstream media circus. Packs of hyenas have disassembled an antelope with more grace and civility than our nation’s opposition party is showing in their blind fury against the President. Honorable mentions for King Clown would have to be Anderson Cooper in a gimp mask, Don Lemon race-baiting cities into rubble, and the three-headed late-night host monster that is Jimmy Kimmel, Stephen Colbert, and that Seth person. Yet, no matter how shiny the clown shoes are or how honkey the horns on their trikes may be – these jokers are no match for Keith Olbermann – the true voice of today’s regressive left. Let’s take a look at the man perfectly suited to lead Gonzo journalism in the Trump Era.
Even though Olbermann stands at 6’4’’, there’s just something so small about the guy. My theory on Keith is that he’s a B-Level hack journo who started his career as a sports broadcaster but failed when he gave himself a little man’s complex centered around not feeling like a “real journalist” whilst narrating slam-dunk highlight reels for ESPN. After getting fired and banned for being insufferable, Keith went over to Fox Sports for a time before being fired by Rupert Murdoch who would go on record to call him “crazy”. Crazy Keith somehow talked ESPN into bringing him back for a brief time on ESPN2 before he made an unceremonious exit in the fallout of bullying some Penn State college kids organizing a charity for pediatric cancer on Twitter. Can you see what I mean when I call him small? If you were thinking “petty”, “angry”, and “insecure” then you nailed it.
Read his whole tirade against these kids here.
Olbermann once told Cornell students at a commencement address that working for MSNBC would “give me dry heaves…make me ashamed, make me depressed, make me cry,” before ditching fake-news for a while to go back to sports. This is a guy that addressed a letter to Bill Clinton in which he apologized for covering the Monica Lewinski scandal. At no point should he ever have been allowed to branch out beyond calling balls and strikes in the first place.
The common theme with Olbermann is that he completely throws his employer under the bus no matter where he goes and somehow has them battered-woman-syndromed enough to take him back before he does it again – causing them to finally walk out for good. I’ve seen it play out in a million domestic violence calls as a cop. After burning every bridge he was inexplicably able to build, and after the big three cable news organizations realized that pretty much anyone can read talking points that toe the party line in front of a camera, Olbermann was resigned to his fate of being a lowly contributing writer like myself, only for a rag called Salon. Experience-Driven Commentary over there consists of holding a Soros approved sign at a protest for something once. You also must have either green, pink, or blue hair – and a nose ring. But it’s got to be the kind that goes through the middle, not the stud on the outside. That would be a sign of dominant male patriarchy or something. If nothing else, you’re required to be fit for a strait jacket and understand what it’s like to spend a night in a padded room. Crazy Keith’s resume really shines here.
Olbermann is currently hosting a GQ web program called “The Resistance” to resurrect his failing broadcasting career. If you are up for torturing yourself, just watch a few of his rants. He’s made a lot more of them than just the one I mentioned above.
One of my favorites is his “Russian Scum!” moment when I thought he might blow out his undies before accusing anyone who voted for Trump of being a traitor. And then there are his Twitter rants against the President. It’s like he’s competing with Colbert over who can walk closest to the edge of a cliff without falling off, only Olbermann is for real. Colbert just wants ratings.
Anyone with a little bit of perspective on him can see plain as day that this 58-year-old is an emotional midget. It’s not merely the psychotic rants themselves, or the inability to refrain from badmouthing former employers. Anyone can do that in this industry to make a name for themselves. What makes Olbermann the perfect representative for today’s millennial lemmings is that he actually believes the insanity that’s coming out of his quivering lips. You can tell in his body language and by the crazed look in his eyes. I get the same vibe from a “signal 24”, otherwise known as a “demented person”, holding their feces in their hand on the side of the road when I’m on patrol. You’re either dealing with someone high on drugs that haven’t even been invented yet, or you’re looking at mental illness.
I also love the ironic poetry of Olbermann’s career that serves to perfectly validate the delusions of his side’s way of thinking. These days, all we hear about is white male privilege anytime someone wearing the hat accomplishes anything or does so much as give an opinion. It’s a gag reflex for the regressive millennials that Olbermann represents. Please tell me how anyone – be they black, white, brown, male, female, gay, or straight – could carry themselves as an insulant child in a professional setting for so many sustained years and get second, third, fourth, and fifth chances to act right. The fact that Keith Olbermann even has a job at this point is astonishing. It gives hope to the protestors, race-baiters, and cry-babies that want to be able to behave like spoiled children and still collect a paycheck all their lives. It makes Olbermann a messiah for Yvette Felarca and the “Yeah, I set a cop car on fire but I still want to teach kindergartners” crowd. The man wraps himself in an American flag for a photo session while living out one of the most absurdly detached-from-American-values career trajectories the world has ever seen. The regressive left is as un-American as Keith Olbermann, and that’s why they are perfect for each other.
