This is the tragic ending to the story of one of the greatest heroes of the Vietnam War, the only tank driver awarded the Medal of Honor. Read here about his driving off an entire North Vietnamese Army (NVA) battalion who had ambushed Dwight “Skip” Johnson’s tank platoon. This article tells about Johnson’s fight with the invisible enemies of PTSD, ‘impostor syndrome,’ and survivor’s guilt.
“Aw, Man, Nothing Happened”
When Johnson returned to Detroit he refused to talk about the war, and just said “Aw, man, nothing happened,” when Vietnam came up. His friends even teased him for having had a boring tour of duty and coming home right before the Tet offensive. They had no idea what he had done.
Johnson struggled to find work, and to pay bills. One day about eight months after he got home, a couple of MP’s knocked on his door. His mother asked him what he’d done wrong, and he promised her he’d done nothing. They were there to make sure he still had a clean record, and would be home to receive a phone call from the Pentagon. Later that day a colonel called and told him he’d been selected to receive the Medal of Honor, and was invited to the White House for the ceremony.
Dwight “Skip” Johnson, Reluctant Hero
Life changed for him after that. He suddenly had job offers, and was popular. He was the only Medal of Honor awardee in the entire state of Michigan. He married his girlfriend, and doors were opened for them all across Detroit.
He still felt like the same kid who had grown up in the housing projects of Detroit, however, and didn’t feel comfortable with the offers of executive jobs, or scholarships to college or law school. More troubling, he didn’t feel comfortable with the idea that he was a hero. He was haunted by what he had done, and in fact remembered little of it. He felt like the adulation was misplaced, like he was an impostor.
PTSD and Misgivings
Dwight Johnson saw that half hour of mayhem not as a series of heroic acts, but as the moment he lost control. He didn’t think of himself as a hero: he worried about what he had shown himself to be capable of. And he still was haunted nightly by the scene of the NVA soldier pulling that trigger, in slow motion, while he stood unable to move.
Dwight Johnson felt like he was unworthy of the honors he received because he took those actions in a moment of rage against the men who had killed his brothers. Anti-war protesters exacerbated his feelings. He accepted a job as a celebrity recruiter and spokesman for the Army, and traveled the state giving speeches and making public appearances. Protesters would show up and call him terrible, racist names and accuse him of luring young black men to their deaths. These accusations preyed on him, and he began to feel exploited by the Army.
Even when he reported for psychiatric treatment, Johnson was taken his first night to meet military VIPs who were eager to meet a hero. Their admiration only made him feel worse. He ended up leaving the treatment, and refusing to report for duty. He spent his time at home going to his old housing project and playing basketball with teenagers there. The Army refused to prosecute him for going AWOL, because he was a war hero – they just let him be.
Johnson was racked by survivor’s guilt: he could not stop thinking about his transfer from his old tank the night before the battle. He also was tortured by the worry that he could lose control again. He asked his mother what they would do to him if he did in Detroit what he had done in Vietnam. They would give him no medals for it at home.
Financial Burdens
Eventually, the more mundane worries of debt and financial ruin came to trouble him also. He and his wife “were just a couple of kids,” according to her father. They were not prepared to manage their affairs, and he didn’t make a celebrity income to match the status they were accorded. And he never felt like he belonged in the world of financial success. He was comfortable with white people as well as black, but was intimidated by education, manners, and ceremony.
In April of 1971, matters came to a head. Johnson was nine months behind on mortgage payments, and he owed $70 for car repairs. He couldn’t come up with a $25 deposit for medical treatment for his wife, who was in the hospital. Johnson asked his best friend to drive him across town, where there was someone who owed him some money.
“Someone Else to Pull the Trigger”
When they arrived, Johnson told his friend’s family to wait in the car. He walked around the block and robbed a grocery store. The store owner said Johnson showed him a gun and threatened to kill him. They struggled over the gun, but Johnson never pulled the trigger. The owner retrieved a gun of his own, and shot Johnson several times. Once he started shooting, Johnson stopped moving, and stood there and let him shoot.
Dwight Johnson’s mother said that she thought he just couldn’t live any more with what he had carried with him. She spoke to the New York Times shortly after his funeral. “Sometimes I wonder if Skip tired of this life and needed someone else to pull the trigger.” Spec. 5 Dwight H. “Skip” Johnson, RIP.
