By Chad Storlie:
You’ve see me around. You’ve laughed under your breath at me as I’ve taken three little boys into the bathroom and scrambled to keep control. I’m the dad that is struggling with the stroller in the parking lot while I manhandle three stuffed animals, a snack bag, and a very, very smelly diaper. Or maybe you’ve fled from me in museums as my boys and I move down towards the Stegosaurus exhibit.
Either way, I look very different today than I did a few years earlier. Back then, I was a Special Forces Officer, a Green Beret, working in combat zones with foreign military forces in Iraq, Bosnia, and other locations around the globe to secure American interests. Then, I looked cool and I dare say, I was cool. I was loaded with weapons, ammunition, a distinctive camo uniform with no patches (a sure spec ops give away that fooled no one) and body armor giving briefings to IMPORTANT PEOPLE. Today, I’m a dad with a mission to raise great little people. And I love it.
Most of the time, the image of a Special Operations experienced dad raising children makes us think of the movie 300, except with more spears and knife play. In fact, my dad gently warned me that I should wait until my boys were “at least 5” before I taught them how to shoot. This coming from a man who had rules how cold it could be (10 below, or maybe -15 if he was tired) before he would drive my brothers and me on our paper route. Contrary to what most of you think, the Special Operations is actually great preparation to being a parent with young kids.
My best parenting lessons came from the US Army’s Ranger School and the US Army Special Forces Qualification Course that I attended back in the 1990’s at Fort Benning, Georgia and Fort Bragg, North Carolina. Ranger School is a 68 day Pain Fest where you get 1 meal a day, 4 hours of sleep (if you are lucky), and walk for miles carrying 80 pound rucksacks with no end in sight. Ranger School students are taught how to patrol and lead small teams, conduct ambushes, swim through swamps, live in the desert, parachute and descend rapidly from helicopters on large gym ropes. Ranger School teaches you more than anything else how to lead and survive in combat. After Ranger School, I served in the Infantry in Korea and the United States, and then went onto the 12 month long Special Forces Qualification Course with Special Forces Selection, the Qualification Course, and SERE (Survival, Evasion, Resistance and Escape) all tied up with one neat and tidy bow. Most important to me today, however, was that Ranger School and SFQC taught me how to be a great dad.
Special Operations Lesson #1 – You Have to Learn to Be Happy – Anywhere, Under Any Conditions. One of the delights of Ranger School was that you were always wet from the swamps, cold from the Georgia Mountains, and tired – you had to learn to perform no matter how you felt, just put on a smile and laugh. You learned quickly to “embrace the suck” with humor. You can never control the elements, but you COULD control how you felt and to make yourself happy. You can teach this to kids in small steps.
I remember coming home from a trip and we were stuck in security. Sensing my frustration, my eldest said, “Don’t worry, Dad. We are almost through, then I’ll get you a coffee. Everything will be OK.” It’s great when this principle of happiness is taught back to you. Today, my boys absolutely love bad weather. Snow, rain, and cold makes them happy.
Special Operations Lesson #2 – Packing Snacks Is Like Packing Ammunition – Always Pack More Than You Think You Need. In Special Forces training, there is a realistic simulation for everything. Think you want more explosives to help knock out an enemy radar site? Here is 30 lbs of simulated C4 for you to carry 12 miles through the woods at 2 AM. Don’t want to take it – you can jeopardize the entire mission if you do not have it. In the end, you take 35 lbs just to be sure. For kids, snacks help immeasurably throughout the day. Snacks are cost effective, you can find healthy options, and they are right there – you don’t have to find a store. Just like ammunition, I always bring more; you never know when you will encounter horses that need some carrots. In addition, teaching kids to plan to bring water, milk, and snacks helps start to create a sense of responsibility, independent action and personal initiative.
Special Operations Lesson #3 – Lots of Physical Activity Throughout the Day. In both Ranger School and the SFQC, the military combat history of the US Army Rangers was an ever-present guide. Rangers during the Korean War walked up and down the length of Korea’s mountains. In Vietnam, Special Forces spent weeks in the field tracking and reporting on enemy units all the while leading native tribesmen and teaching them to be better soldiers. The lesson for Special Operations is that fitness is a must – you have to be able to run, to ruck (walk miles with an 80 lb pack and a smile), and climb. Kids love high-energy fitness. Parks, hills, swimming, walks in the woods, and sports are great ways for kids to expend their energy and learn the importance of physical activity.
Special Operations Lesson #4 – Planning is Everyone’s Job. In SERE school during the evasion phase, every mission begins with a detailed plan, called an Operations Order. In the Operations Order, everyone learns the entire plan, what the timeline is, who performs which combat tasks, and why the mission is vital. For kids, they love to know what the plan for the day will be. A good plan makes everyone accountable for a successful mission. Finally, in the Infantry, we all knew about Commander’s Intent, what a successful mission will achieve. Commander’s Intent helps you prepare for the unexpected. For kids, having a plan is great, but also knowing when to change a plan for some new adventure or an unexpected museum makes the day an adventure. All kids love an adventure.
At our favorite museums, I will put the littlest one in charge, but he has to create a plan and then lead everyone. Furthermore, if he sees a new exhibit or something interesting, he is rewarded for using this initiative by being granted a new adventure. Planning is great, but initiative wins the day.
Special Operations Lesson #5 – Treat and Train Everyone as a Leader. At Ranger School and in Special Forces Selection and Phase I, everyone was a leader. The Ranger School classes and SFAS are a mix of officers, sergeant’s, and enlisted, but everyone will lead everyone else on a patrol regardless of their rank. Another aspect of Ranger School was that anyone, at a moment’s notice, could be placed in a leadership position. Not paying attention or bad-mouthing the other guy? Chances are you’d be in charge at 3AM in a thunderstorm in the North Georgia Mountains – it’s best to be a team player.
Kids can start developing as leaders from a very young age. The toddler can fill the water bottles and carry them to the car. The eldest can check the diaper bag. The middle child can ask everyone’s snack preference. Kids love tasks and they love to help; giving them ever-increasing leadership challenges makes them engaged, happy, and wanting to help more.
These are just a few of the lessons I think about every time I open a plastic bin in the basement looking for Christmas lights and see an old uniform with my Ranger and Special Forces tabs on it. I find myself smiling and remembering my days at good old Fort Benning and Fort Bragg. As I raise my kids to be great people and be the best parent and husband that I can be, I remember and apply all those great lessons that my Ranger and Special Forces Instructors taught me so many years ago.
Chad Storlie is an OpsLens Contributor and retired Lieutenant Colonel with 20-plus years of Active and Reserve service in infantry, Special Forces, and joint headquarters units. He served in Iraq, Bosnia, Korea, and throughout the United States. He was awarded the Bronze Star, the Combat Infantryman’s Badge, the Meritorious Service Medal, the Special Forces Tab, and the Ranger Tab. Chad is author of two books: “Combat Leader to Corporate Leader” and “Battlefield to Business Success.” Both books teach how to translate and apply military skills to business. He has been published in The Harvard Business Review blog, Business Week Online, Christian Science Monitor, USA Today, and over 40 other publications. He has a BA from Northwestern University and an MBA from Georgetown University. Follow Chad @Combattocorp.
To contact or book OpsLens contributors on your program or utilize our staff for your story, contact [email protected].
