Taxes and Satire, The Latter Almost Makes it Palatable

By: - January 8, 2018

“Let us never forget that government is ourselves and not an alien power over us. The ultimate rulers of our democracy are not a President and senators and congressmen and government officials, but the voters of this country.” -F.D.R.

After closing out 2017, we find that despite forewarnings from those on the left, America is not only surviving, but also in an unprecedented economic boom. Trump’s administration has accomplished an amazing amount of work. This is even more impressive considering how overwhelmingly ineffective the Republican controlled houses have been at accomplishing any meaningful legislative goals.

Now, at the beginning of 2018, they have finally come back to the people lauding their accomplishments in passing a tax bill. Should we be grateful to them for their accomplishment?

I’m not impressed.

We were promised overwhelming tax simplification, something that did not even remotely occur. More importantly, if you go to GOP.com and look at government reform for the Republican platform, you will see that the second goal is to balance the budget. The republicans, for all their worthless and sickening blather about reducing our crushing debt, could care less about the fiscal condition of the country, as long as they remain in power.

However, maybe I have been wrong for all these years. Maybe, in fact, the Democrats have been correct this entire time. Maybe the problem is not the government, but instead my own perception of reality. Perhaps we need to give more to the government, not less.

Sure, the drive to become self-reliant led to an unprecedented level of creation and innovation. And yes, it has created technology that has increased both our lifespan and quality of life.

If that is true, then the media is correct — the problem is that all of you Americans are a bunch of tax cheats! Why? Because like Trump, you too were willing to commit the criminal act of taking every tax deduction legally afforded to you.

I admit that prior to this last election season, I too had the crazy view that my money was in fact my money. After all, I thought in my overly simplistic capitalist mind: I worked for it and I earned it. Why shouldn’t I be allowed to keep it? However, like Obama said,

“If you were successful, somebody along the line gave you some help. There was a great teacher somewhere in your life. Somebody helped to create this unbelievable American system that we have that allowed you to thrive. Somebody invested in roads and bridges. If you’ve got a business — you didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen.”

If you didn’t build it, you didn’t earn it. I am no crook, so if I didn’t earn it, clearly the government deserves it. After all, in the nanny state, mommy…I mean Uncle Sam, knows best, right?

Luckily, we have terrific leaders in this country who showed me the light. The Army taught me that no matter what your style of leadership may be, true leaders always lead from the front. According to Army Regulation 600-100 (paragraph 1-6), one of the core competencies is:

“Leads by example: Leaders are role models for others. They are viewed as the example and must maintain standards and provide examples of effective behaviors. When Army leaders model the Army Values, they provide tangible evidence of desired behaviors and reinforce verbal guidance by demonstrating commitment and action.”

If you didn’t build it, you didn’t earn it. I am no crook, so if I didn’t earn it, clearly the government deserves it.

Whoa – that gave me goosebumps. Not just because of the words. When I think about all the elected government officials out there who truly exemplify these words, I simply get overwhelmed. Hold on, just got choked up – I need a tissue.

Think of all those moralistic leaders who never take any tax breaks and are willing to donate money to the IRS. A perfect example is when Senator Carl Levine excoriated Apple for its use of the tax code. This senator knows what he is talking about, as he is worth a scant $1.8 million dollars. He attacked Apple for trying to mitigate their tax liabilities via their legal use of the overly complicated tax code.

I agree, how dare those that are getting rich off the free market keep their money. They should do the same thing that Levine does and not use any of his tax deductions. Of course, he hasn’t released his tax returns, but you can be sure he donates all his extra money because, as all good leaders do, he provides examples of effective behavior.

At least he wasn’t shameful like Sen Rand Paul. To quote USA Today, “Igniting the hearing’s first political flash point, Sen. Rand Paul, R-Ky., said the subcommittee should ‘apologize’ for ‘bullying’ one of the greatest U.S. business success stories. ‘This problem is solely created by the awful tax code,’ said Paul, who added that ‘Congress should be on trial.’” How dare he spout such un-American hate speech! Congress can’t bully anyone Senator, because congress is above the law. Read the constitution!

To this day, I cannot believe that people don’t feel sorrier for the Clintons.

So here we are now, with this amazing new tax code, which has completely and totally simplified the tax system. This has been proven true by the fact that all of the accountants and tax preparers have closed up shop throughout America and moved to Canada. Of course, Hillary Clinton should be thrilled, after all, “You have no reason to remember, but we came out of the White House not only dead broke, but in debt,” per www.politifact.com.

They further quoted her as saying, “We had no money when we got there, and we struggled to piece together the resources for mortgages for houses, for Chelsea’s education. It was not easy. Bill has worked really hard. And it’s been amazing to me. He’s worked very hard.”

To this day, I cannot believe that people don’t feel sorrier for the Clintons. They were so broke when they left the White House they could only afford a $2.85 million dollar house. Ask your conservative friends if they would ever live in such a cheap dwelling. I think we all know the answer to that, don’t we?

Of course, none of this matters at all to Trump, who thinks that wealth is a positive thing. I remember watching him say, “I’m really rich…and by the way, I’m not even saying that in a bragging way. That’s the kind of thinking you need for this country.” Well Mr. Trump, what has capitalism actually brought us?

Sure, the drive to become self-reliant led to an unprecedented level of creation and innovation. And yes, it has created technology that has increased both our lifespan and quality of life. It has also allowed us to live in a nation where the poorest of our citizens live in a lifestyle better than the average family in many other countries. But minus all of that, what has it brought us?

I look forward to this year’s tax season, as hopefully most of America does. After the outrage from the left, I have no doubt that we will see record income tax collection from those same individuals who have constantly condemned those who attempt to minimize their tax burden. After all, the favorite saying from the Left is that millionaires need to pay their fair share.

Moneynation.com states that the average worth of congress is over $1 million. Between that, and all the free perks they so deservedly voted to give themselves (because we the people certainly are not worthy, after all we are not anointed), I am certain that congress will be not only willing, but salivating at the idea of, relieving themselves of the constrictions that money puts on people.

Final note — clearly this entire article is satire. However, I do hope that it spurs some thinking, regardless of what side of the aisle you are on. There was a quote I recall from ROTC that is relevant here, socialism is never for the socialist.  What does that mean? In essence, the people who claim to be socialist and want you to donate your money to others, don’t want you to touch their accounts.

Look at Bernie Sanders, who procured himself a $600,000 beach house immediately after the election. His lackeys explain that he actually sold one property to purchase another, so it wasn’t as if he is rich. I could accept that if it weren’t for the fact that he criticizes others for keeping their money. It was a vacation home. If we the people shouldn’t keep our money, why should he?

At some point, we need to hold our elected officials accountable for their rhetoric. I for one am tired of hearing the lies from those elected to supposedly lead us. How can anyone talk to me about healthcare and its costs when they voted to give themselves free medical care?

Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, “Let us never forget that government is ourselves and not an alien power over us. The ultimate rulers of our democracy are not a President and senators and congressmen and government officials, but the voters of this country.”

Is this still true? Maybe on paper it is, but the reality is that our government has created a class of citizenry for itself – politicians stand above the people. Of course, maybe I am completely stupid and our leaders mean what they say. In that case, I suppose we should be looking forward to the national debt being erased this April 15th.

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