Pity three-time Olympic gold medalist Shaun White. He decided to attend a Halloween party as a character from the movie Tropic Thunder. The character in question was mentally challenged, prompting another character played by Robert Downey, Jr. to offer this sage acting advice regularly ignored by the Democratic Party, “Never go full retard.”
He said it. I didn’t. So you can put away the noose.
When notified by the Thought Police, Halloween Division, about his desecration of everything that ever was, is, and will be, White did what any modern celeb would do when faced with a badthink felony at Halloween; he sacrificed his firstborn to Moloch and slithered away. He was then properly cast down into a lake of burning spiced mocha. Well, almost.
What the duuude didn’t bargain on was that even an innocuous children’s holiday did not escape the all-seeing gaze of the leftist Thought Police, their brown-shirted minions constantly on search mode for anything that can be turned into political masochism.
I remember when I was a child, during the Polk administration, my mother dressed me up on Halloween, the horror…the horror…as the Frito Bandito. Now, for any ubergeeky-looking Latin kid to be attired as such is humiliating enough. The fact that I hated candy and thus gave it all to my kid sister only made it worse. But if then I had run into some primitive social justice warrior and was told of my sartorial malfeasance, I would have crawled under a rock and died. Actually, now that I think about it, saints be praised, the bandito was, well, a bandito and thus was armed. So I guess in that case I would have shot the SJW and then gone ahead and continued to collect kiddie crack for my sugar trollop of a sister.
That experience was not nearly as bad as watching a college chum, at his apartment at the University of Florida in 1980, ask eager Halloweeners, “Do you like ice cream?!!” The kids gleefully responded in the affirmative. Whereupon he dumped a scoop of ice cream into their bags. No lie. He is now an attorney for the IRS; gladdened he thus trained early for his chosen profession.
What the Halloween Police seek to end is not just fun costuming but the spooky official beginning of the Vince Guaraldi-scored holiday season. Kids know that November is only but a mere speedbump to jolly Saint Nick’s arrival and their orgiastic indulgence in material avarice. Thanksgiving? Meh, think young sprogs, some dumb grownup holiday about the pilgrims or whatever. But at least you get several days off of school.
Even blue bloodlines are not above reproach, as we might recall when Prince Harry in 2005 went waaay over the top and attended a costume party dressed as a Nazi, his ancestor Edward VIII’s inclinations notwithstanding. And it wasn’t even Halloween. He made the proper mea culpas and was let back into polite society, which his family owns anyway.
What the York Peppermint Patty-crazed Bolshies attempt on this day is the tip of the agitprop iceberg. If everything is political then all is up to debate and castigation by pseudo-intellectual liberal arts majors whose talents Torquemada could have handily made use of in a pinch. And if we start to teach kids early that some harmless things are absolutely proscribed, even on a silly holiday, then we begin them thinking of the limitations on, not appreciation of, speech and imagination.
Too many times are traditional customs and works judged with our post-modern sensibilities, making a racist diatribe out of Huckleberry Finn and supposing our great grandparents had the ultra-sensitive cultural radar to take insult at everything all the time. They didn’t. They were made of sterner stuff. Though adversely, the Megyn Kelly axing was certainly justified just on general principles of loon firing. I mean, she’s ten years younger than I am and thus would have been trick or treating in the 1970s. If of the age, do you remember any kid in your neighborhood going around October 31st looking like an extra from a minstrel show? Yeah, me neither. So either she grew up in a very odd area or she’s a big fan of cocoa puffs. I’m betting on the latter.
I’m not saying James Madison had The Great Pumpkin in mind when he penned the Bill of Rights, though given little Jimmy’s height he could have fit right in with the candy grabbers. I am saying that rational adults should have better things to do with their own time than monitoring Halloween for offense.
And anyway, I hear there’s a reindeer with a fake nose who’s making fun of people with asthma.
Update and correction: Gotta admit, in a recent piece, I was wrong on the bomber issue. Yup, the left are the people who shot Steve Scalise so I figured this was their logical next step. It wasn’t. They have their loons and we have ours. Theirs tend to be communist thugs. Ours apparently can be populist steroid-mad male strippers. Go figure.
But as he is not indicative of Trump supporters, we must remind ourselves that unless they openly advocate it, not all Dems or even leftists are violent. I rushed to judgment on this by that flimsy generalization and got polemically stung. This was totally my fault because the proof of our own wack jobs, Q/pizzagate fans and the like, abound.
“Why seest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye; and seest not the beam that is in thy own eye?” That is a quote from the magnificent Douay-Rheims bible.
It is wisdom I would do better to follow regarding the sane non-violent remnants of the left.
