Breast cancer is a horrible disease, affecting families in untold ways. The statistics tell a staggering story that 1 in every 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. According to the National Breast Cancer Foundation, there is a good chance that you know someone who has been personally affected by breast cancer. Heroes are not like comic book characters. They are regular people.
If you know a breast cancer survivor, you are probably in the presence of a hero. I know I am.
Breast Cancer: A Troubling Topic to Discuss
Breast cancer is always a troubling topic to discuss because we hear of the tragedies that occur. We hear of wonderful people who have died. Some celebrities, I can think of one in particular: the beautiful actress Kelly Preston, who died at age 57 in 2020. My heart went out to John Travolta and his family. I didn’t know him, but celebrities make you feel like you do. I felt his loss, considering the fact my wife survived because breast cancer does not always have a tragic ending.
According to the National Breast Cancer Foundation, there is good news:
When caught in its earliest, localized stages, the 5-year relative survival rate is 99%.
In early detection and treatment methods have significantly increased breast cancer survival rates in recent years, and there are currently over 4 million breast cancer survivors in the United States.
Seldom Do We Hear The Great Stories – Survivors are the True Heroes
I happen to know three survivors, and they inspire me. I have learned strength from each of them, and each has taught me a great lesson about life.
Dawn is a dear friend of my wife and a special person to both of us. My wife and I have known Dawn for ten years. It has been five years since her cancer diagnosis, and Dawn is still winning. Her friendship with us is more than a blessing; it is an inspiration.
Shelly is my editor for OpsLens. I have known Shelly since I started writing for OpsLens four years ago. She is a recent breast cancer survivor, but one that I believe will survive and beat it. Her attitude and strength will be her ticket to beating this disease. I appreciate her not only as my editor but as a special person I have gotten to know.
Irene, my wife of almost twenty-five years, was diagnosed fifteen years ago with stage three breast cancer. A true survivor and inspiration, Irene is also a survivor of cervical cancer she had when she was nineteen. Irene has kicked cancer’s ass TWICE. She is my hero, my personal inspiration, and my reason for living. All that I have, and all that I am, comes from her goodness. She is my bright light. I know her light will shine forever, and her legacy will be the inspiration she has provided to everyone. Irene’s grandchildren adore her, and she is the light of their life as well. Most of all, Irene is my best friend.
Let me discuss each of these women in detail.
Meet Dawn – a True Survivor
Dawn is a wonderful woman from West Virginia. My wife and I became good friends with her about ten years ago. While Dawn and her family lived in Maryland, Dawn and Irene talked often, and they had much in common. Little did we know that they would share this terrible disease. We consider Dawn and her family dear friends and a part of our family. For Italians, that is an important distinction.
In April 2019, more than five years ago, Dawn was diagnosed with terrible news. News that would rock any family. The doctors told Dawn that she had invasive stage 4 breast cancer. The diagnosis was that she didn’t have long to live. Dawn’s cancer was a rare form of the disease called hidden occult breast cancer (even that name seems ominous). Dawn was told she would be lucky if she made it to Christmas. That was five years ago.
Shortly after her diagnosis, Dawn and her family moved back to West Virginia to be closer to the rest of her family. Irene and Dawn kept in touch, their friendship grew, with Irene rooting for Dawn at every moment.
Dawn literally told cancer that she was in no mood and sending it back. She did this with her faith in God. Dawn’s story is even more inspiring when you think that it has been over five years since her diagnosis. Dawn is still with us, living. Of the three women diagnosed with this form of cancer that year – Dawn is still with us. In August, her daughter gave birth to her granddaughter. Dawn was there for the delivery. She has yet to give up.
Dawn was not about making breast cancer beat her. All but refusing her diagnosis, she told me: ”I have more to do. I am not about to get beaten by a diagnosis.” She said to me, “I’ll stop when I’m dead, and I’m not going anywhere soon. As long as God gives me life, I am going to live the life I have”.
Dawn has lived five years longer than anyone expected her to, and she is still going strong today. Dawn is a determined woman on a mission. She visits her doctors regularly, and they are as surprised as anyone about her achievements. Dawn is an inspiration to everyone.
People need to understand that Dawn believes to her core, that a diagnosis is not an end. It is another road she must travel. Dawn has put her trust in God, and her faith has moved mountains. Dawn recently shared that she has agreed to donate her body to West Virginia University Hospital once her time here has expired.
However, Dawn has no plans to go anywhere in the foreseeable future. If Dawn is not a definition of a hero, I don’t know what the context of that definition would be.
Dawn is blessed to have her daughter, Delaney, look after her. Delaney has grown and watched her mother defeat the odds. A teenager when she found out about her mother’s diagnosis, Delaney has since grown into a wonderful, bright young woman who recently became a mother herself.
In August, Dawn was there as her daughter Delaney gave birth to a beautiful daughter – Dawn’s granddaughter. This was on the very same day Irene and I lost our granddaughter Daisy in childbirth.
While our situation was sad for us, personally, we would never mute our celebration for our dear friend, especially with what she has experienced. The joy we felt for her would never have been any less had our Daisy lived. Irene and I do not live that way; there is no envy in our hearts. It is who we are.
Shelly – Ex-CIA Officer – an inspiration to all
My editor, Shelly, told me a few months ago that she had breast cancer. I wished her luck, and both my wife and I are constantly praying for her recovery. During my conversations, I saw a power in her words. A power and a faith that I know exists in breast cancer survivors. They carry and exude it. The power is bigger than confidence. It can’t be hidden, and it comes to light when they speak about it. Fortunately, I can see it (you will find out how I can see it in the next section about my wife).
In conversations with me, Shelly told me that having breast cancer was never going to stop her. She has two beautiful children who need raising. She was an inspiration to everyone around her. I know she was scared, but she never outwardly showed it. It’s been about six months since her diagnosis and operation. She has told me her future looks bright, taking it one day at a time.
Shelly was back to work, editing my pieces on OpsLens, right after her first surgery. I am thankful for our friendship. While we are not best friends, and I only know her through my writing, what I do know about her should inspire all. Shelly is a former CIA officer, business owner, writer, author, wife, and mother. While I have known her, I have found she is a woman of conviction who bursts with confidence—it is wonderful to work with her.
I am honored to have her as my editor. We don’t talk much about our personal lives, but at times, we do. My wife and I were and will continue to cheer for her on the sidelines. We have faith that she will recover and be successful; she has too much to live for. Obviously, it is a long road from here. We are told that the goal is to be cancer-free for five years. That is how you beat it.
However, Shelly knows what to expect. From the conversations about my articles and future articles, I know that, like me, she is strong about our beliefs, someone who wants what is best for all people. Someone with love for family, friends, and her country.
IRENE – My wife and Hero
Lastly, Let me introduce you to my wife, Irene. Irene has been a breast cancer survivor for fifteen years. In April, we will be married for 25 years. I have known Irene most of my life, but it took 39 years to ask her out. (That is another story—we were married four months after our first date.) Best of all, we will be married for 25 years in April.
Fifteen years ago, in June of 2009, Irene was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer.
Personally, when I was told the news, it quickly became one of the worst days of my life. Our son had just given birth to his first child, our first (of many) grandchildren, that January. Both of us were getting used to the empty nest soon. But Irene had a role to play in our family, and she was not going to let cancer stop her. As a matter of fact, it was Irene who counseled her friend Dawn and told her these very words Dawn echoed: do not let a diagnosis stop you from life.
Irene’s strength and perseverance are beyond belief. I look to my wife as my hero. She was not going to let breast cancer beat her. (Irene already had cervical cancer at nineteen, and she kicked that cancer’s ass too). She showed me a side of her that, while I always knew was there, I had not seen it appear, mostly because of her innate shyness.
Knowing Irene, people would tell you she is a good person, a dear friend. But Irene will always come across as shy. However, underneath that shyness is an inspiring woman. I don’t think anyone outside our immediate family would guess she had such faith. Her faith is immovable. Her faith in God and Jesus Christ has made her an inspiration to the people around her. I knew it, and her children know it. However, most of all, her grandchildren see it. She teaches it to them by example. Because of that faith, they gravitate to her. Personally, I marvel at her daily. She is such an inspiration to me, inspiring me to be a better person.
Irene is a nonstop nurturer. Her grandchildren adore her, as do her three sons. Irene never stopped fighting to live. She gives hope to everyone who goes through this heinous disease.
Lessons in Life
Watching Dawn and Irene in action when we visit one another is one of the most inspirational things I have ever witnessed. They are like the country song by Tim McGraw, “Live like you are dying.” Watching them together is the most inspirational thing anyone could see. It brings tears to my eyes. I don’t care how strong a man you are – there is nothing that could prepare you for it.
I understood what Tim McGraw meant with the lyrics of his song, “ To Live Like You Were Dyin”, the words of his song echo inside of me.
”And I loved deeper, and I spoke sweeter. And I gave forgiveness I’d been denyin'” “Someday I hope you get the chance to live like you were dyin’”
What I learned from all of these women was a perspective on life I never realized existed. Over the next fifteen years since Irene’s diagnosis, I finally realized that moments and sharing moments with my family are worth more than any riches I could acquire. You can never take riches with you. Denzel Washington once said in an interview that he had never seen a U-Haul following a hearse. But hearing those words and witnessing them in action are two different things.
Irene has taught me to treat each moment as a gift from God, which I try to do almost every day. We both do our best not to take life for granted, especially our time together. We do not take our friendships and relationships for granted. Life is a precious gift. I once heard that it is why the moment is called “the present”, because it is a gift. God has blessed both of us with a perspective and a belief that previously I had no clue existed.
I know Irene had that belief all along. It just took me a while to catch up.
In January, Illyanna, our first granddaughter, celebrated her fifteenth birthday. This week, Irene will celebrate her sixty-first birthday. Both of them are the best of friends. The other grandchildren adore her as well; Irene has more love than I ever knew existed in a single person. With a love for everyone, and not one person in her world ever feels excluded.
In July, Irene celebrated fifteen years cancer-free. I am a blessed man to have Irene as my wife. She is my hero and my inspiration. While no one is perfect, Irene is as perfect as they come. She is a beautiful person. She is the love of my life, I make sure to tell her this FACT daily. .
The Past is Prologue
What God has in store for us next is up to him. Where we will wind up and how our lives will play out is only God’s guess. Yes, for some, breast cancer is an end, and that, unfortunately, is a part of life. For millions of others, it is the beginning of a journey. It is the path chosen for them. I know that we never thought what has happened in our lives would bring us to this point, and I can only bring inspiration that there is some meaning to it.
What to Do: a Quick Primer for Spouses, Friends, and Families
If you know anyone suffering from this disease, support them. For husbands, be supportive of their wives. Your vows were clear—in sickness and in health. (You made a promise, so keep it!)
Be supportive! If you need to break down and be upset, find a nice room far away to do it. Vent to someone else, not to the individual. Your friend, wife, sister, and mother do not need to hear you wail about how it affects you! Because it is NOT ABOUT YOU! At this point, focus on them. You cannot imagine how important that is.
Friends and relatives of the family, please do me a big favor; when you hear of someone with breast cancer, do not in the first sentence after being told, recount the number of people you know who died from the disease. Don’t ever say it. I cannot tell you how many so-called friends and relatives started with, “My friend Sally had breast cancer, and she died.” Please only positive energies!
I cannot count how many imbeciles I had to prep before I would let them speak with Irene.
Once again, this is not about YOU – it is about preparing them to win the battle! You need to be vigilant. Remind yourself this moment is not about you! It is about them!
In the same interview, Denzel Washington said that to succeed, he needed to learn to trust God. Stay in prayer (trust me, prayers help enormously)! I am confident about it. If you are not close to God, try it. I believe in the power of healing prayer. Find a spiritual person and talk with them. Learn how to pray.
Lastly, do not panic until there is no other choice. Our motto was – “We will only panic when the doctor tells us.” Thankfully – we did not have to deal with that.
But in the case of Dawn, sometimes you have to give cancer and doctors the middle finger. Don’t give up because it is not over until it is. Do not let anyone steal your hope.
The disease will bring some to a place where they need to confront their reality. That is your journey; embrace it. Sylvester Stallone’s character Rocky has a monologue in the movie Rocky Balboa that best describes this clearly. It is all about winning.
“When things got hard, you started looking for something to blame. Like a Big Shadow. Let me tell you something you already know.
The world isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are. It will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it…
You’ve gotta hit as hard as life.
It isn’t about how hard you hit; it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much can you take and keep moving forward?
That’s how winning is done.”
Each of these women I described is a winner. They are all heroes to their families. Irene is my personal hero.
Each knows their true winning formula. They took a disease and a diagnosis straight on. They told that disease to “take a hike, and don’t come back!” They were not ready to go anywhere! It took every fiber of their being to believe that. They refused to let a diagnosis ever consume them.
These women each have work to do, and a life to live. They will only succumb when everything is completed. Yes, they certainly are heroes.
I have, through their strength, learned the true meaning of “live like you are dyin’”.
