Military Times published an article about gold star families earlier this month that included a special request. The widow of Army Sgt. First Class Ofren Arrechaga, who was killed in 2011, wants people to stop using her husband’s photo to further political agendas.
According to the interview, Seana Arrechaga met her husband’s body at Fort Campbell and was photographed by journalists. In the photo, Mrs. Arrechaga gently touches her husband’s folded hands as he lays in his uniform in a casket draped with an American flag. The emotional and intensely personal scene has since gone “viral,” making its way around the internet and social media through shares and likes.
But you won’t find Mrs. Arrechaga pressing the share or like button. Arrechaga does not want her husband’s photo made into a political statement by those who share the image, spreading it around social media and the internet. The photo is often turned into a meme, with text added to bring attention to a political issue.
Up to five pages. There's probably many more. pic.twitter.com/3jFmQiEVRx
— Seana Arrechaga (@SeanaArrechaga) June 5, 2018
“They don’t even take the time to learn his name and are using him to push political opinions,” she told Military Times. “It doesn’t even matter if my belief aligns with that. It’s inappropriate.”
The memes are not created by or with the consent of Arrechaga or other gold star families. But, they are often shared and promoted as if the family is looking for support from the public through sharing the photo. According to Arrechaga, nothing could be further from the truth for most Gold Star families.
Most recently, those who share the photo compare it to the NFL players who are choosing to kneel during the National Anthem. “To all the overview players in the NFL: Put on this uniform, then you might understand why we stand,” says the meme. “Can this hero get a RIP and a share?”
Arrechaga has not commented on her own beliefs related to the political messages of the memes, except to say that her own beliefs are irrelevant. Rather, she is focusing on the use of the photos without her consent, and even when she has clearly stated her desire for the photos to be taken down.
“You don’t even know anything about my thoughts on the actual matter,” she said of the political stances the photo is used for, such as kneeling during the National Anthem. “I’m just telling you to stop using this photo.”
Fighting for Her Privacy
Arrechaga says that it has been a fight to retain some sense of privacy. “I had a lot of people telling me my opinions are wrong, when I’m staring at a picture of me and my deceased husband in a casket,” she told Military Times.
She worries about the impact that seeing the photo as a meme will have on her 10-year-old son. While he is not yet on social media, it is inevitable that he will come across the photo when he does get online. “He’s going to be able to see these things and I’m going to have to explain all of it, why his dad is a meme,” Arrechaga said. Having the meme out in the public space makes explaining the loss much more complex for Arrechaga and her son.
Arrechaga has also faced personal attacks when she has asked for the photo to be taken down. She pointed out four separate sites that were using the photo of her husband as a meme. Two refused her request to take down the photo. The other two did not respond.
“Your ‘patriotism’ shouldn’t involve exploiting our fallen,” she said on social media. She’s hoping that pointing out her opposition to these memes will bring attention to the issue that she and other Gold Star families have faced.
This particular page is using heroes to sell t-shirts. When my friend Marissa asked them to remove her photo, they blocked her. I'm currently waiting for their reply to my message. pic.twitter.com/Tas9xVsJjt
— Seana Arrechaga (@SeanaArrechaga) June 6, 2018
Some sites are even using the photo, and others of fallen military heroes, to promote sales of their products. After multiple contacts about the photo, the site agreed to remove it and issued an apology. She said that another Gold Star widow was blocked by the company when she contacted them to take down her photo.
Arrechaga has resigned herself to her personal tragedy being made into a public share. “Because of the world we live in, I don’t think this will ever stop. At some point I’m just going to have to let it go and be okay with it, but I don’t know how I’ll be okay with it. That’s my husband, the father of my child.”
Gold Star families are those who have lost a family member serving in the military. The term comes from a practice in World War I of displaying a gold star at the home of those who had a family member who was killed in battle. The tradition has continued and received attention from national organizations, politicians, and the American public. Most are well-intentioned and try to show support by sharing or liking images and links about Gold Star families. But the families themselves are saying that sharing their personal moments on social media doesn’t make them feel supported. They only feel frustrated and exposed.
If you want to show your respect and support for these heroes and their families, respect their privacy. Recognize that they are real people, facing an exceptional challenge. Organizations such as Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) and others offer financial and mental health support and resources for those faced with such a tragedy. Numerous organizations support the families of the fallen with emotional support, counseling, scholarships, and other financial contributions.
